grief is a garden

and you choose what gets to grow

Last month, I had the blessed opportunity to host a workshop at Sacred Village on how to transmute grief into joy. Everyone who joined, helped me understand how multifaceted grief is. Each one of us, bringing our own grief story; whether it’s a loss of loved one, living with the unexpected, or learning to let go of what’s not meant for you. And throughout the session, we learned how to view our grief as a seed in our spiritual garden of love ~ asking it: what are you here to teach me? How can my grief inspire something new to grow?

As I’ve learned many times in my own grief story, grief is less about healing a wound, and more about tending to the garden deep within. And a garden cannot survive without decay ~ seeds split open before they sprout ~ and what appears to be an ending, is actually nourishing the next season of life. Your job is to clear the weeds as they become overbearing, water the plants with your healing tears, and feed the soil with your light.

As women, our bodies have always known this. Our womb is living proof that we can create worlds while simultaneously shedding the old one too. As we go through four seasons in a month, we hold the blueprint for grieving. A process that is deeply tethered to the cycles of the earth, which also show us how life and death share a parallel path. And rarely do these lines meet, except for when we grieve.

Grief is the portal for new life

It’s the in-between moments we don’t hear as much ~ the liminal space between life and death, where we watch dreams and visions decay in front of our eyes, and replace it with a hope of something new. Something more aligned with our spirit. In our workshop, one sister mentioned how death is such a short part of life. And when we fixate on the things we have lost, we remove ourselves from the gift of grief.

That is what i’ve been sitting with a lot lately: the gift of grief, and how it plays an important role in our personal and collective evolution. Did you know that one of the key rituals that set us apart from our neanderthal cousins is when we learned to bury the dead? Isn’t beautiful, how our grief made us human? And yet, somewhere along the way, we became so focused on what was buried that we stopped noticing what we were making room for.

And as i reflect on my own grief story, I realize I suffer from this too. It’s easier to numb yourself than leaning into the vulnerability. Or rather accepting that what i’ve lost, is forever gone. And that is how God wants it to be. Sometimes, things get too wacky for this witch, and the grief subdues me.

And even though I’ve never experienced a big loss, I’ve experienced plenty of disappointment, betrayal, and heartbreak. I know what it feels like to mourn a future you thought was certain. And when those moments arrive, my instinct isn’t always to lean in. It’s to numb myself. To distract myself. To convince myself I’ve already moved on.

Transmute the grief

I’ve seen enough to understand: grief is a portal. And you won’t believe what’s waiting for you on the other side. The sun waits to greet you as you step through the void. The darkness is where God does his best work. It’s where He removes what’s no longer for you, so you can be free.

And the earth, of course, if your greatest ally when it comes to grief. Trees let go of their leaves every autumn without resistance. Flowers die and return. The soil turns dried bush into nourishment…. Everyday, the earth shows us how to integrate what we’ve lost into new life. In that way, everything we loose will always be remembered.

So I ask you, how will you let your grief transform you? Will you let it harden you, numb you, sour your outlook on life – or will you lean into the earth. Plant seeds of forgiveness within yourself. Trust that the soil beneath your feet is doing the unseen work. And let grief empty your heart so new things can grow.

Many of us get attached to the things that hurt us. It is a very human thing to do. As one sister said during our workshop “we become addicted to our pain story.” When the best way to heal from our pain is through the pleasure portal, where creativity and expression helps move the energy to the outer experience, rather than leaving it to wallow in our beings.

And of course, grieving is not meant to be a linear process. There are times where we have to sit with the sadness, or cry it out, or talk about it endlessly ~ and that’s ok. But the most transformative work you could do is to alchemize that grief into something that would help make your pain feel heard and seen. Not necessarily seen by others, but rather learning to be your own witness. Giving yourself gratitude for all the courage you had summoned for the big release.

Grief is the gift of a heart worth beating

as we’ve heard before, we grieve as much as we love. The more your heart expands, the more likely you are to loose what you gain and the harder it is to handle the grief. But i’d rather swim in an ocean of sadness, than dry out in a dessert filled with regret. Courage to love, is one of the most powerful traits to embody, especially in a world that seeks to sweep it away.

The strength card comes to mind, and at first glance, you might mistake this card as having to do with physical strength ~ since it depicts a woman standing with a lion. But did you know that male lions are actually one of the laziest animals in the animal kingdom? They spend most of their days sleeping, while the lioness does most of the work to take care of the pride. His most important role is to defend and protect.

That’s why the Strength card asks us to tend to the needs of the heart. That is where real strength and courage comes from. By opening yourself to love and playfulness, the eyes learn to soften, and the world around you becomes more rosy and colourful.

I ask you, can you treat your grief with the strength it deserves? Not the type of strength that asks you to put on a brave face and scare your enemies, but the kind of strength that asks you to soften, lower your gaze, interact with the world in front of you ~ and you’ll see that whatever you’ve lost, has already made space for something new.